I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
