bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
