Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The beer is more important than you right now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
