Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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