I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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