You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
