Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize