your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
