Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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