I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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