No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize