Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
