Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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