The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
