Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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