She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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