My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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