If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize