I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Randomize
