Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
