Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
