Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
