I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize