how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
