I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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