I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
