The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
