I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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