My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
