This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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