got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
