so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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