and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
