I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize