i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
