so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
