Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
