I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize