Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
