i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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