They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this boner is exhausting
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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