someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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