I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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