Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
