I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
