Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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