DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
