Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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