Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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