Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
