My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
