Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
