He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
