Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
