My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
