he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
