She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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