dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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