How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize