i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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