I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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