the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
