Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
