Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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