GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
