i need an iv and a liver transplant
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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