I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My balls are so social today.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
