Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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