finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
