I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
