I want to make a zoo with you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
