I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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