how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
