You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
