Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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