so explain again why im purple
no
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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