hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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