The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
