Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
