In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
