Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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