Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
