Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
