We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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