I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize