definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
