Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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