He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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