I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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