I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
