help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
