What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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