I met the friendliest cop last night
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
