This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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