Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
