Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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