no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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