8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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