just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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