i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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