She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
that's an acceptable place to lick
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
