There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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