we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
