I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
