and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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