____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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