you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
