She just used a chaser for red wine.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
