the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
