I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I stole a fireplace last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
