We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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