Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You brought string cheese to the strip club
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